moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
