Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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