yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
