Your mouth is God's brothel.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
