Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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