I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize