I haven't been this sober since birth.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Princesses don't give blow jobs
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
