I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
