he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Boobs are out for the taking
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
