We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
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You're like the curious george of whores
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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