either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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