I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
