yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
