He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
