you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I did not marry a roomba.
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