My first STD was from a foam party
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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