Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
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i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
As shirtless as possible
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
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Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.