i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better