dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.