i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think your dad took our porno
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever