Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
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he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
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I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.