I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
