I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Less talking, more tequila
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
