Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
