i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
