I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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