Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
