Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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