and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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