Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
