I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Randomize
