I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
