the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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