She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
