I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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