Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
