the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
