I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
