Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
