When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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