Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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