Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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