I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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