It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
