i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
