when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
