# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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