Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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