good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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