I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize