I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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