Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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