well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Randomize
