Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
