You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
