Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i barfeds in our rink
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
