She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
