The brown eye won't let me do that either.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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