Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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