May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
