yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
