Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
