she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
