Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
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Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
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