I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
