I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
