I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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