listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
