the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
