he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
