Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
