There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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