Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
